What I Need to Hear From You

You need to know I bless you to let go.

 I bless you to move on. 

You need to know that I no longer want to hold you down,

 en-cage you in my insecurities.

I release you to roar with all your might,

 no matter how much I fear the sound.

 I bless you to be you, 

to fight for your dreams, 

to run with your ambition, to love without condition. 

I want you to know that you are enough, 

you have always been enough. 

You need to know that I hope for your success. 

I believe in your potential. 

Know that no matter where you are in life 

you can always find a home in my soul. 

I will always love you,

 the way I express that love may change

but I love you,

 regardless of time, or distance. 

I will never forget what has passed,

 but I will also never stop being excited for what the future holds.

 I look forward to reading the rest of your story

 and I release you to write it 

with all the wild vigor you have bottled in your soul, 

one-two-three, go!

Instead of What I Said.

{Photo Credit: The Ballerina Project}

12.31.13

There's something sacred about going to war,
                                                      the way it somehow makes you appreciate things
                                                                                                          like butter more.
The chaos, you crave it- that's the thing...
first times lead to "just one more time"
and the hands on the clock of your heart develop arthritis
                                       -from all the holding on-
grantee, they'll stop ticking long before you realize.
They say as people we become like those we surround ourselves with;
         I never used to believe them...
but for the first time in four hundred and fifty eight days,
today
I asked someone other than me, "how are you doing?" 

You don't have to surround yourself with people to become like them;
O' no.
You can distance your self, on the most remote island
                                                                             in the middle of the Ocean,
but- as long as you surround your thoughts with someone
                                                                      and hang your soul up on their fears
their polluted waves of influence can still reach your shores.
For years I thought they were in pursuit of happiness,
but they're not.
They're searching for assurance-
                                                looking for a place where they will feel adequate.
Woman! you can't keep attempting to be that place:
    *letting them inhabit your being and pierce your soul with their self loathing
    *throwing off your self so that they can have a place of refuge...
No-
the only solution to their emptiness:
for them to seek out adequacy within the place where they are at.
within their minds,

                           their bodies,

the vessels that transport their souls through life-

if they feel inadequate there

 they won't feel adequate anywhere.

-Jots for Jays-

kindred spirit- everything i tried so desperately to forge in relations with others- 

you just popped into my life. a fierce alliteration, of my otherwise alienated soul. 

Daring enough to be an illustration... a personification, of natures caring grace- 

a daily reminder of how completely beautifully, life is out of my control. 

thanks for that J. 

-Adrianna

Slow Dancing

 

we were a fire hazard

somewhere between here and there

our wires got crossed

and we became an

 elegantly twisted pending disaster-

we could only slow dance in a burning room so long

before our lungs were filled with smoke,

the roof caved in,

and we collapsed.

 

when I wake up everything has changed,

I can breath again-

 

 you are the only one who will ever truly understand- value

what I lost in the fire,

for you too rock-stepped

 to the beautifully tragic chaos-

 

 

slowly I begin to accept talking to anyone else about it

doesn't really help.

I won't see the same relief,

or mirrored pain,

in anyone's eyes but yours.

 



YOU-TU

When I was three YOU were the person I named my toothbrush after. YOU taught me to rock climb. YOU were my partner in the kindergarten quite corner. YOU were twelve, I was five. YOU were a valentines card. I chased YOU around the playground all of recess. I used to take the long way home just so I could walk with YOU half of the way. I liked YOUR hair. YOU were nothing short of an obsession. I carried YOUR name around in a locket. YOU were my lab partner. YOU were, and are still my biggest fear. I still think of YOU. YOU were a mistake that I made too many times. YOU played me better than Mozart played his piano. YOU'VE only ever been a good friend. YOU never spoke. YOU... I was a tad drunk. YOU were "just a bit" narcissistic. YOU are the definition of pushy. YOU were looking at my best friend the entire time. One day YOU will be nothing but mine.

ElEmEntary my dEar.

Who am I kidding! I'm chainEd to this wall. YEt I'vE bEEn trainEd to EmpathizE so I call it "my past."

WhEn rEally it is nothing morE than shackEls- the bonds of a tapE worm- rEgardlEss of the amount I consumE, I always End up bEing a littlE lEss with Each passing day.

You'rE tiEd to this wall too. It might bE a diffErEnt shadE of grEy but it's still the samE isn't it?

I lookEd to my lEft yEstErday and saw you thErE, bEsidE mE.

All I'vE bEEn hoping for sincE that introduction is for both of our rElEasE.
So that wE could look at Each othEr facE to facE, instEad of stEaling profilE glancEs.

But I'vE grown impatiEnt with this foolish faith.

NEithEr of us will EvEr bE uncuffEd.
HowEvEr maybE wE can find fifty hErE.

Peak-a-boo

Okay, I've never done this before but I think I'm going to start doing it every once and a while...

 'a compilation of random thoughts and musings'. And who knows maybe you'll find some inspiration in these simple things too!

 "How I miss those days where we would sit… and just... talk. How I remember when you told me I was your best friend. But now it's like we don't know each other. What happened, where was I, when the whole change occurred? Was I blind? Or just insanely in love..."

{Photocredit:theballerinaproject}

I’ve cussed, I’ve prayed, I’ve said goodbye
Shook my fist and asked God why
These days when I’m missing you this much
I drive your truck
I roll every window down
And I burn up
Every back road in this town
I find a field, I tear it up
Til all the pain’s a cloud of dust

Yeah, sometimes I drive your truck.

   

{PhotoCredit:DTW}

If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that!

I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out!

{PhotoCredit:DTW}

 “We’ve done the research, and we’re not related, and we’ve never dated, and we are never, ever going to! What are the odds of finding someone who can finish your sentences, who will let you cut in line. Who knows not just to lend a hand or and ear when you need them to give you their spine. Someone who is woman enough to be best man at your wedding, who will keep every secret, save every letter, tell you how you really look. Who will remember every single one of your birthdays, without checking facebook. What are the odds of finding someone who knows your poetry off by heart, who won’t freak out if you’re hanging out and accidentally fart. Yeah… and if you have a date and you need to look fresh, I will lend you, my hair products. And if you don’t have a date and you need to look fresh I’ll let you borrow, my cousin. I will always save you a seat. I will always pick you to be my partner, even though you are terrible at handball. When the fire takes all you have my home will be your home. When you are old and can no longer remember my face, I will meet you for the first time again, and again, and again. When they make fun of your accent, I will take you swimming; because we all sound the same underwater. When Ellis Island tries to erase your past I will call you by your real name. When they call your number for the draft, I will enlist to fight beside you and I will march from Saloma to Montgomery and back, as many times as it takes. We will stand together against the hoses and the dogs, because it didn’t start with us, it started with Lennon and McCartney. It started with, Thelma and Louise, Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin, Bert and Ernie, Abbot and Costello, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, Peekachoo and Charlazar , Spongebob and Patrick… and they can tell you what a miracle this is, they could tell you how rare this is, but they could tell you how rare friendship always is. The chances are slim, the cards are always stacked against you; the odds are always low. But I have seen the best of you and the worst of you and I choose both. I want to share every single one of your sunshine’s and save some for later; I will tuck them into my pockets so I can give them back to you when the rains fall hard. Friend- I want to be the mirror that reminds you to love yourself, I want to be the air in your lungs that reminds you to breathe easy. When the walls come down, when the thunder rumbles, when nobody else is home, hold my hand, and I promise, I won’t let go.” {Sarah Kay and Phillip Kaye- ‘Origin Story’}

Physical Theater, this music video is actually half decent, the choreography is fantastic, kinda impressed not going to lie. And on top of that the song's been on my mind lately.