Peak-a-boo

Okay, I've never done this before but I think I'm going to start doing it every once and a while...

 'a compilation of random thoughts and musings'. And who knows maybe you'll find some inspiration in these simple things too!

 "How I miss those days where we would sit… and just... talk. How I remember when you told me I was your best friend. But now it's like we don't know each other. What happened, where was I, when the whole change occurred? Was I blind? Or just insanely in love..."

{Photocredit:theballerinaproject}

I’ve cussed, I’ve prayed, I’ve said goodbye
Shook my fist and asked God why
These days when I’m missing you this much
I drive your truck
I roll every window down
And I burn up
Every back road in this town
I find a field, I tear it up
Til all the pain’s a cloud of dust

Yeah, sometimes I drive your truck.

   

{PhotoCredit:DTW}

If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that!

I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out!

{PhotoCredit:DTW}

 “We’ve done the research, and we’re not related, and we’ve never dated, and we are never, ever going to! What are the odds of finding someone who can finish your sentences, who will let you cut in line. Who knows not just to lend a hand or and ear when you need them to give you their spine. Someone who is woman enough to be best man at your wedding, who will keep every secret, save every letter, tell you how you really look. Who will remember every single one of your birthdays, without checking facebook. What are the odds of finding someone who knows your poetry off by heart, who won’t freak out if you’re hanging out and accidentally fart. Yeah… and if you have a date and you need to look fresh, I will lend you, my hair products. And if you don’t have a date and you need to look fresh I’ll let you borrow, my cousin. I will always save you a seat. I will always pick you to be my partner, even though you are terrible at handball. When the fire takes all you have my home will be your home. When you are old and can no longer remember my face, I will meet you for the first time again, and again, and again. When they make fun of your accent, I will take you swimming; because we all sound the same underwater. When Ellis Island tries to erase your past I will call you by your real name. When they call your number for the draft, I will enlist to fight beside you and I will march from Saloma to Montgomery and back, as many times as it takes. We will stand together against the hoses and the dogs, because it didn’t start with us, it started with Lennon and McCartney. It started with, Thelma and Louise, Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin, Bert and Ernie, Abbot and Costello, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, Peekachoo and Charlazar , Spongebob and Patrick… and they can tell you what a miracle this is, they could tell you how rare this is, but they could tell you how rare friendship always is. The chances are slim, the cards are always stacked against you; the odds are always low. But I have seen the best of you and the worst of you and I choose both. I want to share every single one of your sunshine’s and save some for later; I will tuck them into my pockets so I can give them back to you when the rains fall hard. Friend- I want to be the mirror that reminds you to love yourself, I want to be the air in your lungs that reminds you to breathe easy. When the walls come down, when the thunder rumbles, when nobody else is home, hold my hand, and I promise, I won’t let go.” {Sarah Kay and Phillip Kaye- ‘Origin Story’}

Physical Theater, this music video is actually half decent, the choreography is fantastic, kinda impressed not going to lie. And on top of that the song's been on my mind lately.

And eventually I came to that point...

{Or if you're lucky you have both.}

"You were even beautiful telling me goodbye, maybe my version of the truth is just a lie. What does it matter? What does it matter? A million perfect memories go rushin' through my brain. Every time I smell October you're standing in the rain, when you look over your shoulder, baby you can choose to remember me however you want too, but that's how I'll remember you." 

{David Nail- 'That's How I'll Remember You'}

When I say, "I'm over it," what I mean is, 

"I'm used to it. I'm okay with it. I spent so much time fighting it only to realize there was nothing I could do to change it, so I accepted it and I’m finally happy again.”

 Like a patient with a missing limb if you ask them,

 “how do you function with only one arm,” they would respond,

 “I have just gotten used to it.” 

But if someone came along and tried to give them a prosthetic arm, they would take their time to think about it. They would ask questions and maybe try out several different "new arm's." Eventually they would find a prosthetic that works well, that they love. But there’s still always going to be that knowledge of what a real arm felt like, and even though time will erode away that memory, as they get used to living with the prosthesis, nothing will ever be the same as their real arm. 

Even though they would never ask their original arm to be sewn back on, they know it has remained severed for a reason and it would be incredibly dysfunctional to have re attached, the knowledge of how wonderful a real arm is will always be in the back of their minds. 

"Some nights I wake up knowing he is anxious, he is across the world in another woman’s arms and the years have spread us like dandelion seeds sanding down the edges of our jigsaw parts that used to only fit each other. He drinks from the pitcher on the nightstand checks the digital clock, it is 5:00 am, he tosses in sheets and tries to settle. I wait for him to sleep before tucking myself into elbows and knees reaching for things I have long since given away."

{Sarah Kay- 'Private Parts'}

I only fight with people that are worth my time to fight with;

 to be frank in reality you aren't worth my time. 

But trying to tell the canvas of my heart that the artist who drew that huge line across it,

 isn't worth arguing with is another story.

Stop Right There

All I have for you today is some song lyrics to ponder, because I know I have been doing exactly that. 

 

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.
This is no place to try and live my life.
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

(Reliant K- Who I am Hates Who I've Been) 

Stain

{photocredit:HubPages}

I want to make new memories in this dress. 

The one that is already so stained that I'm not too sure if it can even withstand anymore experience being spilled on it. 

but I want to try;

because I am tried of letting something so beautiful simply hang, thinking of it as nothing but my past.

Contradiction.

{photocredithttp://www.callcentrehelper.com/}

I used to say, "it's strange how much can change in just a year," but in reality, it's strange how much can transpire over the course of a year and still very little about our situations change. As humans we walk into the same, or similar situations over and over again throughout different seasons in our lives. The only thing that really changes is the experiences we have behind us when we open the door. The great questions is how do we let those experiences shape, change, and influence our reactions and decisions when we find ourselves in similar situations.
It's strange to think about how much can transpire in a short 366 days (or 365 if it isn't a leap year). How two people can go from being complete strangers with no knowledge of one another's existence, to meeting, and becoming acquainted. Then to becoming friends, best friends; eventually more the friends and then strangers again. Who share nothing but memories, and maybe 
some mutual friends.

"It is not my business what others opinions of me are. It is my business to go to sleep each night confident that I a better person then yesterday." -anonymous 

I don't know just some "food for thought." Funny how life contradicts it self so often, isn't it?
~Adrianna

Trying/ A.M.E.

{photocredit:theballerinaproject}
Today I have two poems, I wrote them both a while ago, but I thought I'd share... 


Trying:
I know you said "be patient," "trust me,"
and I do...
but I'm getting scared.
These trenches being dug by silence
reminiscent of the last siege
in which my heart came out far from
unscathed.
And sure, maybe I should have learned by now not to care so much!
but all I'm doing is searching
for someone who won't want to return me.
However merchandise cannot dictate what a consumer wants.
and in fearful silence that's what I've become
merchandise...reverently silenced  
by the fear of what I could loose
and
the memory of that which I already have. 
 

 A.M.E
these pages I've filled with your name.
a heart tilled over by wrongful blame...
if only memory was phased,
by the extinguished flame.   

Insomnia

{Photocredit:Graphics99.com}

Sleepless eyes and loveless lives.
How have I become her?
The girl who counts her sheep
between the sheets of confusion.
With sixteen memories
 repeatedly pounding their image
onto the sheet metal that is my brain. 

"You"

Just -----------------------------------{I named my toothbrush after you}

Like---------------------------------------{You taught me to rock climb}

Someone---------------------------------------------------------{Nurse}

Better----------------------------------------------------{Hockey cards}

Keep----------------------------------------------------------{Survivor}

Doing---------------------------------------{You were my first valentine}

Better-----------------------------------------------{Cops and Robbers}

Just-----------------------------------------------{You'd walk me home}

Listen-------------------------------------------------{I still can't explain}

Again---------------------------------------{I made a website about you}

Run---------------------------------------------------------{That locket}

Better----------------------------------------------{Turned out to be gay}

Now-----------------------------------------------------------------{Boats}

Catch------------------------------------------------{Sorry for the deceit}

Loose---------------------------------------------------------------{First}

There------------------------------------------------------------{Mistake}

Better?--------------------------------------------------{I guess we'll see :D}

Poison

{photocredit:theballerinaproject}

I've seen the pleasure that poison can bring

watched it trickle down to their souls.

Kissed the tainted lips full of heat

and been seduced by it myself;

but to sober would be to doubt

the endless pleasure

 of slowly killing myself.

Melody

{photocredit:theballerinaproject}


these words I scribble here, retort what life breaths
silently mocking the irony of living in this
futile state.
yet somehow I find solace in the chard pieces left
broken,
in my hands.
as people walk by
contempt written on the right corner of their eyes
for crimes I never committed.  

Enough

{PhotoCredit:Theballerinaproject}

And I'll double knot these untied shoes 

so I can run back,

TRIP

over my past yet again?

NO! This time I've learned, 

learned to step out of the constraints of laces and run forward.

Pointing one pretty toe after the other 

as my feet rebound off the scorching pavement.

To trip over new pot holes rather then the same old familiar ones

sure, it might hurt more...

but how else can I win this race?

More Poems

S-T-O-P

four letters murmured daily 

ignored

when weakness is stronger then strength 

only you will do

and when I try to pull you out

deeper in you dive

setting the rate of my pulse.

will anything change this?

those premature ventricular contractions;

you know, the ones that used to seem cute?

turned out to be just a heart murmurer  

that begs

"please stop"

as it reaches for more. 

Secrets of the Scare.

{Photo Credit: The Ballerina Supremacy}

 

I'm too young for this.

It isn't right

Yet if I continue myself I shall loose in the

Fight

Somehow you got a hold of a simple skiff of skin

Then proceeded to burrow your way in

So deeply entangled in treachery

Dysfunction, disgrace and calamity

feel more like sanity

I can't believe I let this happen

Disgraced the very name

That I used to lace up my heart

Blood drips down my bodice

Spreading its sickly warm grin across my face

Drenched in hot desire

STOP

I should've never lit a fire too large

For my small hands to extinguish

I'd need your help 

That's what scares me

making me cower in my thoughts. 

-Adrianna

aRTSY?

{photo credit: Better Living with Herbs}

I feel like I should be drawing some massive disproportionate purple flower,

Blowing in the wind.

Resurrecting my desire to feel love again.

There was a heart beat that once told me what I was living for,

Picked up those sideways pieces I left at your door.

In its place now stands a broke man,

Curled,

Curdled, 

Crippled,

Toes in hand. 

~Thought I'd share some more recent poetry, if that's what you want to call it :P